Last Day of Work October 29, 2009

Today was my last day of work. All the paperwork I’ve done says that I’ll be off for a year, but in reality I have no intentions of going back, I just want to leave my options open at the moment.

I don’t really enjoy the work there, and management has issues. I’ve been wanting to leave for a long time. In fact J and I decided to start trying to get pregnant 8 months or so earlier than we’d originally planned on because we thought that, seeing as I didn’t enjoy what I did, we might as well get pregnant sooner. So it’s been about 3.5 years since I started thinking that my time there might be done soon. The length of time it took also added to my resentment of my job.

But now that it’s over I feel weird. Kind of sad, kind of happy, kind of lost. I enjoyed my co-workers, and there were certain aspects of the work itself that I enjoyed. I did not like the bureaucracy and paperwork, but I did like helping municipalities figure out their zoning bylaws.

It was a career that I went to university for and now I have no idea if I’m ever going to do work related to my degree again.

I am still working towards a goat dairy so I won’t be unemployed, but I may have just exited a particular period of my life, the part where I had a secure job with decent pay and was considered to be a “professional”.

I’m happy that I’m moving on to new things, but for now, well, I just feel a little weird.

Big Baby, and Things People Say October 28, 2009

We had an OB appointment and ultrasound today. The OB is still amazed that I haven’t had any bleeding. I should have a phone call from the nurse tomorrow with the appointment for my c-section, assuming I continue with no bleeding. The ultrasound showed that the placenta had definitely not moved at all, and estimated the baby to be 6lbs 6oz. I’ll be 34 weeks on Friday. If I were to have gone to term I think she would probably be one freakin’ big baby. Of course weights estimated by ultrasound aren’t necessarily accurate. And it’s kind of irrelevent as I’ll be having c-section no matter what, so they can’t try to talk me into having one due to size.

Although we aren’t really sharing our baby’s name with other people, I will admit to having mentioned it to a couple of people who aren’t close, like a colleague who works in a remote office, just because I’m curious about what other people think. The colleague in the remote office loved it. Today I mentioned it to someone who is expecting a boy about a month after me who works in a different department. I got the “Oh…that’s…interesting” response. I wasn’t offended by it and then I was even less offended when she told me what two names they were going to choose from for their baby are because they are very trendy ones. I’m not surprised she didn’t like my rather old-fashioned choice.

J and I received an e-card recently from his mom. He hasn’t spoken to her since last December. He did get cc’d into the middle of an email discussion in March that she and J’s sister were having about her (J’s mom) moving to the D.ominican Republic. After putting up with all her addiction crap for years he decided he just didn’t want to deal with her anymore if she wasn’t even going to tell him she was planning on moving out of the country, so he just hasn’t contacted her. We have heard through other family members that she has flat-out said that she wants nothing to do with J, myself, or our baby. We don’t really care. Then we got the e-card. It said: “Congrats on the baby girl on the way. I imagine she’ll have great hair. Love you and miss you”. Now there is nothing remotely offensive about the card, it’s just a weird way to try to get back in contact with us. We haven’t responded. J is thinking he’ll tell her of the birth of our daughter by cc’ing her in on an email that he sends to his sister.

We visted J’s grandparents about a month ago. They wanted to know the sex of the baby. We told them. His grandmother, who is known to have a preference for boys, tried to console me with “It’s okay, girls can work just as hard on the farm as boys”. Once again, I wasn’t offended, I just thought it was funny. Because, you know, that’s all we wanted a baby for. Free farm labour.

I’ve been very lucky so far with next to no unwanted advice, and no one has tried to touch my belly. These few comments have just been kind of funny. Although I talk to someone recently who was horrified that I’m having a planned c-section and not even trying labour. She just couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that if I were to try it, it could have catastrophic results for the baby and I. Rather than being offended by her I just chose to believe she’s dumb.

Renos and Baby Stuff October 25, 2009

The renos in our house are still ongoing. J hit a point though where he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to get everything done that needed to be done before winter/the baby arrives, so we flew my dad out for a week to help. My dad used to be a house framer/contractor, and, now that he’s older, mostly just does reno work for people. He’s self-employed and had some time between jobs so he was happy to come out here to help.

He did lots of work on our bathroom/laundry room. He almost totally gutted it. The toilet is still in place, as is the bathtub (although we can’t use it as a stand-up shower at the moment), and the laundry sink is still in place, but the bathroom sink is gone. Other than that everything else was taken down. The plaster & lathe walls were demolished, the ceiling was pulled down, the window was taken out. He insulated, put in a door on the exterior wall (in the future we intend to build a garage onto that side of the house and turn the bathroom into a mudroom and move the bathroom elsewhere) and redid the ceiling.

He left yesterday and it’s not all back together yet, but J should be able to finish the rest. In the meantime it’s mostly useable. It’s too dusty and dirty in there to want to scrub the tub every time we want to bathe, so we have to kneel in the tub and use the hand-held shower head. I’m finding this a bit awkward with the belly so J has to help me. Not a big deal though. J put up the moisture board/drywall yesterday and is hoping to start tiling today so we should be able to use the tub as a real shower by next weekend. The rest of the bathroom will likely be finished the week or so after that, other than painting.

J and my dad also got a bit of work done on the outside of the house too. They pulled off old siding and put up rigid insulation. J will cover it in plastic house wrap over the next week and we’ll leave it like that for the winter and put up new siding next year.

We’ll still have  a lot of interior painting in the house to do over the winter, but fortunately the baby doesn’t really care what the place looks like. It just needs to be warm and clean.

The geothermal heating system is working. But sadly, no, we probably won’t be able to have an outdoor hotspring tub. It’s a closed loop system, meaning that there are twelve  loops of plastic tubing buried vertically 120 feet deep in our yard with water/antifreeze in them. The fluid picks up heat from the earth, takes it back to the mechanical part of the unit which concentrates the heat by removing the cold, kind of like a reverse air conditioner, then the fluid takes the cold back to the earth and leaves it there and warms back up again. The mechanical part of the unit transfers heat to the tubing that runs through the floors in our house, and everything gets warmed from the floors up. Although the system was expensive to install, for every unit of energy that we use to run it, we get three units of energy (heat) out, so it’s really efficient. We were previously relying on electric heat, so the system should completely pay for itself within 8-10 years at which point our heat will be more or less free. Plus I love radiant floor heating.

The baby and I are still doing fine. My ligaments are starting to loosen up causing some aching and discomfort in my pelvis and hips, but nothing really bad. If it’s the end of the day sometimes J has to help me with my shoes, because I can’t raise my leg at the hip in that particular direction, but I’m still able to walk fine.

Our cloth diapers have been ordered, but haven’t arrived yet. I talked to three different people I know who have cloth-diapered and got three different opinions. One friend only used Bum.Genius AIO (all-in-ones). One only used fitted cloth with a diaper cover. And the other one used about 5 different kinds. The one who tried various ones had opinions and recommendations for each of them so I decided to stick with her advice.

We’re going to use both prefolds, and AIO. The prefolds require a cover, but are quite versatile. The small size can be used to stuff larger ones for more absorbancy when the baby gets bigger. They also dry a lot faster than the AIO. I like this because, although we’ll be using the dryer through the winter, I would prefer to line dry them once spring comes. I am getting some Bum.Genius 3.0 AIO for days when we’re going out and I don’t want to have to deal with a prefold and a cover. I do think I’ll try some Hemp AIO when they’re available as I’ve heard that they’re softer and more absorbent. One of our friends sells cloth diapers online and is giving us a discount so we’re ordering through her. Her Hemp diapers haven’t arrived yet.

[side note: I don't know exactly what J is doing in the bathroom right now, probably more drywall, but it isn't going well and much cursing is occuring.]

We also picked up a baby monitor of sorts yesterday. Because there will be times that I’ll be in the barn or out in the garden while the baby is napping we needed a really long range one. The really long range monitors were expensive (>$300) and didn’t have good reviews. So I checked out 2-way radios. They have a monitor function, a range of at least several miles (although I will never be that far away), and are much more reasonable (<$80). I was so impressed with myself for coming up with that idea.

I’m 33 weeks now, and will be starting weekly OB appointments and ultrasounds as of this Wednesday, instead of every two weeks as it has been for the past couple of months. I’m still not bleeding and seem to be fine. The baby squirms a lot which I assume means she’s fine.

We went on a hospital tour a few weeks ago. We got a private tour because I asked if I could skip the whole labour & delivery portion of it. One of the things I was concerned about with a c-section was the amount of time I would be separated from the baby. Friends of mine (in different cities) weren’t able to be with their babies until they were out of recovery. I found out that at the hospital I will be delivery in, the baby will be taken to the nursery (and J will go with her) while I’m being stitched up, but the moment I get to the recovery room she will be brought to me. I don’t have to wait until I’m back in the mother/baby unit. The woman giving the tour told us to request a private room if we could get it, and to have ourselves checked out as soon as we were ready. The hospital is currently doing renos (eventally all rooms in the mother/baby unit will be private) and she said that it’s better to be at home. Plus there’s the whole aspect of hospitals being for sick people thing.

So. Renos are coming along, as is the pregnancy. I’m done work as of this Thursday (I will be so happy to get out of that place), although I’ll still have to go into the city with J for a few days because I can’t be left alone at the farm. My mom is arriving on Nov 4th so we’ll be able to hang out at home and hopefully get some cleaning and organizing done before baby’s arrival.

Odds and Ends October 9, 2009

Not too much new or exciting has happened in the past two weeks. We went on our 4 day holiday to a Provincial Park. It wasn’t as nice as other parks I’ve been to, and the lake was absolutely stanky. Yes, it was so far beyond stinky that it was stanky. But we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless. We went for walks, watched TV, ate, and slept, exactly as planned. There are a few pictures on my photoblog, but nothing too exciting.

I had another OB appointment 9 days ago. Not much to report from it. The Dr seemed very surprised that I’m not bleeding yet and also told me that most doctors would have me on bedrest at this point, but he preferred to play it by ear. Although he didn’t actually say it, it sounded as though he feels that bedrest would manage the bleeding once it starts, but won’t prevent it from occurring. We had another ultrasound and the baby was measuring 1 week ahead instead of two weeks ahead like she had been at the previous appointment. The tech said that the measurements aren’t exactly precise and that the discrepancy doesn’t mean much.

Our geothermal heating is still in the process of being installed. We’ve been tearing out the baseboard heaters as we renovate. This morning when we woke up it was 10C (50F) in the house. It’s warmed up a bit in here with the help of some space heaters but not much. The geothermal installation is supposed to be complete tomorrow. Frickin’ well better be.

I haven’t really done much baby shopping. I bought a big garbage bag of used baby clothes for $50 that will cover a lot of what I need in the beginning. I have the cradle my dad made and bought a used playyard (playpen, whatever) for the baby to sleep in while she’s small. We’ve been given a crib, another playyard (a much more basic one) that I’ll keep in the barn so I can haul the baby out with me when I’m doing chores, and a travel system. We aren’t going to use the travel system though, as it’s over 6 years old and has “expired” as much as car seats can expire. There’s no problem with the stroller though. I have picked up some odds and ends like face cloths and towels.

So I still need to buy a car seat and order the diapers we’re going to use. I’m going with cloth. Because I want to.

We aren’t setting up the baby’s room until next spring. It needs to have the drywall torn out and new insulation and drywall put in. Until then she’ll sleep in our room or the living room, whichever is more convenient. Our room, the living room, the bathroom and the kitchen are all on the main floor. The baby’s room will be upstairs, so not only does it need to be renovated, but I have no interest in running upstairs to get her for a feed in the middle of the night, bring her back down to the bathroom for a diaper change, and haul her back up. Sometimes I think that I’m supposed to be more gung-ho about preparing for her arrival, but meh, I kind of assume we’ll just figure things out as we go. I’m more concerned about getting things cleaned up from our renos and just having the house generally organized, which it really, really is not right now. I will have a pack of newborn disposable diapers here, as well as a couple of bottles and some formula even though I intend to use cloth and to breastfeed.

6 weeks left until Nov. 20th, which is the latest the OB will let me go. And he expects her to arrive sooner. It’s kind of hard to grasp the concept of how much our lives are about to change.

Fresh Eggs September 25, 2009

Our chickens finally started laying and we had our first farm eggs for breakfast this morning. It was very exciting, although J wouldn’t try his until he’d seen me eat a couple of bites of mine. I grew up with home-grown chicken eggs, but he’s a pure city boy. I am impressed that he’s willing to try them though.

We’re heading away for the weekend, just to a Provincial Park about 1.5 hours from where we live. It’s 2 hours from the city if we need to head there for some reason. Normally we would camp, but I’m not interested in climbing in and out of a tent at the moment so we’re going to stay in a cabin. We’re going to do nothing but wander around the lake, relax, eat, and sleep. Sadly there will be no sex. Damned placenta previa!

I will post pictures of our weekend on my protected photoblog on Monday. If anyone wants an invite let me know.

Zen or Cleaning September 20, 2009

Aaaaand it’s apparently hard to be zen when you start reading up on prematurity online. It was upsetting so I stopped. Then I started cleaning. I don’t think it’s nesting cleaning, I think it’s control cleaning. I can’t control my situation so I’ll control my surroundings.

I just don’t know when the baby might arrive so reading information is probably not a productive use of my time. Nor is it useful for my state of mind.

My Outlook on the Previa Situation September 19, 2009

As Anna commented on my last post, I seem to be rather zen with the previa and the issues it is going to cause. And I think I am. I’m 28 weeks right now, which is an important developmental milestone. 32 weeks is only 4 weeks away. I’m just confident that she’ll stay put until at least then, even if I do end up on bedrest. And, as the nurse who gave me the betamethasone injection yesterday said, any day beyond 32 weeks is just a bonus.

Bedrest can be dealt with. The OB did say that if I start bleeding I will be put on bedrest. If it stops he may consider discharging me to out-of-hospital bedrest if I can stay in the city so that I’m in the city, even if I am alone. I have an amazing friend who lives about 10 minutes from the hospital who has offered me the use of her spare room. I can use a laptop in there and she and her husband would haul a TV in there too. And she lives super-close to Anna!

If I do have to stay in the hospital, well then, so be it. I’ll manage.

J has spoken to his boss and has been given permission to work from home as necessary over the next 9 weeks. Due to stuff going on at work I’m going to ask the OB at my next appointment if I would be better going on sick leave soon, and then starting my mat leave early once I’ve used up my sick leave. If I did this then (if no bleeding has started) I could stay home with J, or, if he really needed to be in the office, just stay at my friend’s place during the day. Oh, and this friend lives about 5 blocks from J’s office as well as being close to the hospital.

I’m not in denial about the fact that I’m going to have a premature baby. I know that bleeding isn’t the only problem we’re facing. But honestly? What good would worrying about that do. We have no idea when she might show up. Now would suck. Four weeks from now would not suck so bad.

I don’t feel like my body has failed me at all. The placenta just took up residence in a stupid spot. From the research I’ve done the only risk factor I have is the IVF. It seems that it can increase the chances of previa occuring. I’m not regretting doing the IVF, so I’m not going to give myself grief about the previa. If I end up with a very sick daughter then I suspect my opinion will change and I will blame myself, but right now I’m not.

And now I think I might go watch the beautiful, hazy, fall sunrise. I seem to have developed some insomnia. It started up about a week ago and I suspect it’s due to a combination of pregnancy, work being stupid (oh my goodness is management dumb/bad/insane), and now also the large amounts of wondering “what comes next”. I won’t deny that the previa situation takes up a lot of thinking time even if I’m not panicky or extremely worried. Yet.

OB Appt #2 September 17, 2009

I saw my OB again yesterday. He was a bit more serious this time than he was at the last appointment.

He said that the latest our little girl will be here is Nov 20th (3 weeks early) and that he does not expect her to stay in that long. He wasn’t willing to make any guesses as to when she might arrive.

I’m going for steroid shots today and tomorrow to speed up her lung maturity and reduce the risk of brain bleeds in case she arrives quite soon.

He said the previa will bleed and when it does I will be admitted to hospital until delivery because I live too far out of town for me to be home on bedrest.

He said that he expects me to either have J nearby or be in the city working at all times. We’ll ask more about this at my next appointment. Did he really mean that J can’t go to hockey or anywhere else that would leave me home alone for a few hours? My next appointment is in two weeks and I won’t be alone at any point in that time.

We did get another ultrasound yesterday. The baby has a little more fat in her face so she looks less like a Simpson’s character than she did 4 weeks ago. She’s also measuring 2 weeks ahead. Her size has no effect on her maturity (I asked), but she currently weighs 1445g (3lbs 5oz). She would be one big baby if she went to term.

(Updated: I will be 28 weeks tomorrow)

25 Firsts September 14, 2009

I’m mostly just a lurker on Nancy’s blog, although I did somehow manage to leave multiple comments saying the same thing today, but I decided to copy this from her anyways:

1. Who was your first prom date? ~ Didn’t have one. I did go to my highschool grad, but I went dateless. I caught a ride with a friend and his date. His parents and younger brother drove us there. Honestly, I didn’t give a rat’s ass if it was cool or not. I also had a fascination with 1940’s fashion at the time so my mom sewed me a dress from that period and I had my hair done up to match. I loved how I looked, although I kept having to explain to various people that no, it wasn’t a “theme” grad, I just felt like dressing like that.

2. Do you still talk to your first love? ~ No. I’m not even sure what I would consider my first love. I guess it was the guy I dated for 7 months when I was 14. That was a very long relationship at the time. Then I didn’t date again until I was 25. I just didn’t feel like it and instead confused people by being somewhat ambiguous about my sexuality. I was entertained by that.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? ~ Other than the occasional small glass of wine on holidays,  a margarita or dacquiri at a restaurant on my 19th birthday (legal age where I grew up). It was a while after that before I bothered getting drunk. I wasn’t against drinking, I just didn’t bother.

4. What was your first job? ~ Other than babysitting? I was the kennel help at a vet clinic. I started when I was 14 and continued there until I left for university, although I was a receptionist by the time I was done.

5. What was your first car? ~ A 1984 Chevy Blazer. S10. Rear wheel drive. Horrible on gas, but I didn’t realize it at the time. I’ve also since discovered that it’s the vehicle most prone to tipping when going around corners. I probably wouldn’t have cared about that at the time even if I had known.

6. Who was the first person to text you today? ~ I don’t text. I have a for-urgent-use-only cell phone. I have occasionally texted on it, but not often. My first email today was from my husband.

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? ~ My husband I guess. The alarm went off for him to go to work. I’m taking the week off as holidays.

8. Who was your first grade teacher? ~ Mrs. Donnelly .

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? ~ Probably to Calgary, AB. That’s where my grandparents lived.

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? ~ Shannon. And no, we don’t still talk. We were best friends when we were 4-5. She moved during kindergarten and that’s a little young to stay in contact. My mom is still friends with someone who knows Shannon’s mother so I do hear updates on her occasionally.

11. Where was your first sleepover? ~ Gwendolyn’s. The girl down the street.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today? ~ My husband. Still haven’t spoken to anyone else.

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? ~ Jacqueline’s. It’s the only wedding I’ve been in other than mine, and I’m glad of it. I don’t think it’s much of an “honour”.

14. What was the first thing you did this morning? ~ Let the dogs out, including taking the semi-feral puppy for a walk.

15. What was the first concert you went to? ~ I’m slightly embarrassed by this one. New Kids on the Block. I was 13 and a couple of friends and I went by ourselves. Well, someone’s parents dropped us off and picked us up, but we did the rest on our own. It was in Vancouver.

16. First tattoo? ~ Don’t have any.

17. First piercing? ~ Beside my ears, my nipples. I was 25. I tend to come across as very bookish, proper, and conservative. I loved knowing that things were a bit different under my clothes. I took them out shortly before J & I started trying to get pregnant. I’m not too concerned about scar tissue and breast feeding. I already am producing a bit of something (yellow-ish fluid that seems normal) so I assume my ducts weren’t affected. I guess we’ll just have to see.

18. First foreign country you went to? ~ US. I grew up close to the border and my family used to pop down to WA for a couple of hours for dairy products regularly.

19. First movie you remember seeing? ~ Snow White. I was 5. My dad took me. He told me we were going cabbage picking.

20. What province/state did you first live in? ~ British Columbia.

21. Who was your first room mate? ~ Melinda, at university. We got along really well.

22. When was your first detention? ~ Don’t remember. It would have been for not doing my homework.

23. ? No question.

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? ~ How to play the fiddle.

25. Who will be the next person to post this? ~ No idea.

Point form info September 2, 2009

- The mosquitoes here are horrible at the moment. They swarm when we step out the door. J picked up a couple of mosquito hats today because I’m not keen on bug spray.

- I did my gestational diabetes test today. I had my choice of orange or lemon-lime flavour. I went with the lemon-lime. It wasn’t enjoyable but it wasn’t terrible. I had no side effects from it.

- We may have settled on a name. If so, the baby’s initials will be B. G. H-W. I kept my last name when I got married and J and I agreed that daughters would have my last name and sons would have his. I didn’t really care how confusing others would find this. I wasn’t too surprised though that he started back-tracking when he found out this baby is a girl. I think we’ve agreed to hyphenate kid’s names. It will make for a 4 syllable last name, but whatever, when our children are older they can just decide to go by one if they want (except on legal documents of course).

- My sister is coming for a visit. She arrives tomorrow evening and leaves Tuesday morning. I’m very excited.

- Management at work is actually planning for my mat leave. I’m impressed. We have a term employee who has been with us since the spring, and was our summer student last year. She’s going to start transitioning into my area (we each deal with a specific geographical area) in a couple of weeks. She’ll receive all new files so I can clean up my old ones. I feel quite good about this. It means I shouldn’t be leaving feeling bad or worrying that she won’t be able to understand my notes.

- I have a stretch mark. I was expecting these. I’m very prone to them and had a lot during puberty when everything grew quickly. At that point I had no idea what the many angry red lines down my breasts were. At least they aren’t a surprise to me during pregnancy.

- My belly button pops out a bit when I’m standing up. J says the way it pops out and is kind of lumpy on the inside (I have a lap scar that makes it pull) looks a bit like his p.enis. I think he means when his p.enis is soft. It was an odd comparison.

- J’s mother has moved back to the Dominican Republic. We did not hear from her the entire time she was back in Canada, and she has told other family members that she is “done” with us. I don’t really care. J hasn’t said much and doesn’t seem to be upset.